i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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