Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had to cum in my sink.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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