Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
