Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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