So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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