I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
