I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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