Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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