Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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