You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
