Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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