My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
