life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
