There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
