Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize