O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize