I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
