i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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