We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
