You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
