after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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