After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
