He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
