sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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