You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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