i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
