i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im drinking this country out of the recession.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Even my vagina gasped.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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