Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
