I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
