Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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