No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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