Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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