You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
