i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
