i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
