I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
