yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
