i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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