Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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