You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
