Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize