Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
