You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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