If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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