I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dick very happy bro
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
