guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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