I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
