Porn is love you can see.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I didn't notice because vodka
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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