I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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