There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
did you just send me my own nude
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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