fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
