What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
