I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
