I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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