Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
