do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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