Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
