How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
