This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
