You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
