I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
