Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
