last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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