Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize