I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
