she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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