Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
