I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
