and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
