Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
