capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
