you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
