this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
