i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize