I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
