Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
